Chav

From Wittypedia

WARNING: this wittypedia entry was probably written by an old embittered man.

From the Russian word Chavichnikov meaning simpleton. These highly evolved primates (think chimpanzee) wander the streets of England expressing their individuality in much the same way as goths and skinheads - i.e. by all wearing the same thing.

Behaviours

• They mark their territory, which is typically a straight bit of road - such as a high street - by driving up and down it incessantly in their little cars whilst lesser chavs, so called chavettes, sit in their cars and watch a section of the road. This is done in the belief that the street itself might be stolen by someone which would leave them nowhere to go of a Saturday night.

• Leadership challenges are rare, only occurring when a new chav enters the territory and claims to own real Burberry apparel or has a sound system in his garishly neoned car that is worth three times more than the car or, indeed, the house he lives in... and produces a sound that is so distorted by bass that it becomes unrecognizable (probably for the best) - then, and only then, can they challenge in the form of a fight to the death.

• The chav population is on the increase and, despite numerous efforts to control the population by filling the media with stories and pictures of what they actually look like, it is still a big problem.

population control

Despite calls for voluntary euthanasia (people volunteering to administer it that is) the government is reluctant to do anything about the burgeoning population, saying it is inhumane to cull them as some have been seen to show signs of sentience (though only in laboratory conditions?).
They have however agreed to allow the testing of cosmetics on them, which was previously the sole domain of goths and rabbits, and although seen as cruel is also the first time in their lives they'll actually be useful - and is at least one step closer towards the ultimate goal of one day domesticating them completely.