From Wittypedia
Telephone | Mobile Phone
Absurd digital pomeranians that yap and yap at you until you want to kick them into oblivion or smash the brains from your own skull. Back in the good old days they were legally required to remain tethered to a wall or other immovable object, now they've gone mobile! You're not safe anywhere, one minute you are in the chemist getting that much needed pile cream and all of a sudden yap yap, one is going for your throat. This is at its most inconvenient when at the Opera, an event everyone should attend at least once a week. Sitting there in a creased silk shirt suddenly you are attacked and instead of much deserved sympathy you get hundreds of the cultural elite turning to stare and shake their heads at you like they've never picked their nose in front of a priest. Some people say holding them close to your ear can damage the brain but if you're the sort of person who'd voluntarily do this then you have no brain to damage to begin with.
- The very first analogue phones were invented by Heinz in order to expedite a delivery of beans, circa 1873.
