Tables
From Wittypedia
"Without them we'd all be eating off the floor" - so said a philosopher when asked why we need tables. But this man had obviously never heard of trays, which leads us to the intriguing question, and the even more startling answer... Why does everyone have tables?
The answer, as it turns out, is simple. It's a worldwide conspiracy cooked up by the manufacturers of furniture legs who, unsatisfied with the millions of chair legs they were already supplying, were looking to expand until they were the most profitable business in the world.
How they convinced everyone to put legs onto their trays is a mystery lost in the annuls of time but soon everyone's trays had them. This, of course made them increasingly uncomfortable to have on the knees and so they were made bigger and the legs increased in size (and, naturally, cost) until they rested on the ground and no knees were involved.
Today, the Manufacturers and Installers of Legs for Furniture, or MILFs, have the ear of every politician in the world and are responsible for the continued deforestation of the rain forests and the success of home ware stores. It is even said that until very recently there had been many MILFs with a private pass to the oval office.
In 2008 international task forces were set up to make sure their sway in the corridors of power was ended, and a quick Google search will amply demonstrate just how numerous and effective these organisations were at keeping track of MILF members (and the alarming number who've had to turn to porn now they are disgraced).
Interesting table facts
The first recorded use of the table was at Jesus' fabled 'last supper ' - although early records indicate that MILFs may be responsible for changing the original text from the setting which some scholars believe to be more accurate - sitting on sofas with their meals on trays.
In 1976 MILFs produced a table with seven legs to try to make more money but it never caught on.
It is a fact that such things as dinner table arguments and the throwing of dangerous things across a table would not exist if tables had not been invented.
