The paralytics
From Wittypedia
Legal participants should be over 18 years old or have sufficient childhood stubble to get passed the bouncer. All participants must be so drunk that George Best (RIP) would tell them "It's probably best if you go home now, I will call you a cab… CAB!"
Events
Leering at the barmaid The first one to have a drink poured over them by the barmaid wins.
Calling a cab The cab must arrive. You must not swear at the nice lady on the phone. You must remember your own address or your newly found lover you want to take home and that's the only reason you've stopped drinking's address.
Ordering Pizza The pizza must be the one we circle in the menu. You will have to read the name and phone number from the menu yourself, unaided by the drunken squint.
Carrying 4 pints You must carry four pints of strong larger or cider to your own table. Points are deducted for each change of direction as we offer more style points for a fast swooping path to your table than a slow snake. In fact although it is not in the entry requirements we should point out that no snakes are allowed in the paralytics at all.
Toilet Find a suitable place to urinate. Points are deducted for forgetting to take your cock from your pants or urinating in a judges beer. Other than that, points are given for comedic choice of evacuation location.
Writing articles for Wittypedia Write at least one article for Wittypedia that is funnier than this. Yeah sounds easy, and you are drunk so you think you can do it – Gods have crumbled at lesser tasks.
