Time

From Wittypedia

For years now time has been used to measure how long it takes to do things. Some philosophers have stated the belief that time is a conceit of man, a nice way of quantifying ones lifespan and allowing the man to control your life. Others claim not to care for time, saying, 'I sleep when I'm tired and I'm awake when I'm not' but these people are hippies and this is as coherent as they get.

The Swiss were the first to regulate time efficiently. This was mostly so they could tell when it was time to look the other way but also to help them sell cuckoo clocks which, up until then, had proved unpopular due to having no numbers on the dial.

Famously, you 'cannot turn back the tides of time' - you can, however, wait for the tides of time to go out a bit and lie on the beaches of time, dipping your toes briefly in the sea of time before getting burned by the sun of time and rubbing the lotion of time on yourself. Then realising it's far too late to bother with lotion and shrugging before saying, 'oh well, you can't turn back the tides of time' and going back to your villa of time for a nice lie down.