Witty Picks
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Witty Picks from 322 articles.
Science, Technology, Sociology and Olyology
Time The Swiss were the first to regulate time efficiently. This was mostly so they could tell when it was time to look the other way...
World war II was originally going to be called 'World War One - part 2' but this was deemed too confusing and so a committee was formed to decide on a name.
Kumar Sartre Initially a somewhat miserable Indian boy then a slightly less miserable man...
Mankind designed for comfort... The man Who is the man?
Doors of Perception, Sleep Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Huuuu Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Big Brother, Chav They mark their territory, which is typically a straight bit of road - such as a high street - by driving up and down it incessantly.
Tea, Mugging, Crime & Prisons; Booking is done by committing a crime and getting caught soon afterwards.
Geeks, Scientists Typified by wild unmanageable hair that either gets caught in the hinges of doors or becomes home to a menagerie of birds.
Free Energy & Free Power How to Make Free Power, Provide Work, Make Peoples Bums Look Nicer and Probably More.!. ..and (Solar Power).
ILSMATHLONPAA Acronyms. War over the Letter of The Word.
The ...has since gone on to become part of our everyday language and is used by many people all over the world - such as orphans (eg. 'i'm an orphan and the kettle has boiled)
Physics, Maths ...the answer to the eternal quest for vending machine tea which actually tastes good.
English is a set of noises you can make with your mouth, bum or by placing one hand under your arm...
Free Power Gym, Light, Computers, My Space, Car, Cars vs Bollards, Punctuation, Miracle, Extinction, Mirrors, Scientists, Free Energy, Dark Matter, LSD, The mind, Telephone, TV, Widgital, Superstition...
Animals and Balloons
Animals. Animal is the collective name for things which are not vegetable, mineral or tartan.
Ants, as the name suggests, mostly live in semi-detached luxury apartments on the French riviera. They can also be found in cracks in pavements but this is only in their capacity as crack inspectors.
Cats generally go for the fat and lazy types but will also associate with the elderly with no obvious prejudiced towards a particular physique.
Dogs are also pack animals, making them easier than other animals to arrest under the Criminal Justice Act.
Banana The comical device used for centuries as a means to shake a pursuer in a car chase has now been found to have other uses.
Aardvark, Ants, Baboons, Black Panther, Bollards, Cats, Chicken, Cows, Dingo, Dog, Fish, Giraffes, Gnomes, Leopard, Mallard, Mice, Male Horny Horned Back Hornster, Maths, Mongolian hunting bee, Pelicans, Pussy, Sheep, Sperm, The ark, Whales...
God, Om and Fictionology
Originally Christmas, or xmas to give it its proper title, was celebrated on the 8th of January, supposedly in tribute to Elvis' birthday, but actually as a direct attempt to force the removal of Johnmas...
Dalai lama Salvador Dali Lama (2006 - 1934) is the only known surrealist mystic to have ever lived, and one of the fewer still who lived in reverse.
COJ The worlds first and, as far as we know, only completely online religion, and the first to have a slogan - "check box and click 'ok' to join cult"
Jesus "Jesus died for our sins - one of our worst ones being our tendency to crucify people"
The Bibble A single white dove flew up from nowhere - like in a John Woo film or something. Somewhere, a clown farted.
Tao, Zen, Unknowledge, God, Jesus, Dalai lama, COJ, Johnmas, Christmas
Music, Computers & General Interest
Alcohol | Beer can be produced in a variety of recipes or styles though it should never be consumed as such. The best recipe of this kind is beef and ale pie and whilst tasty, it is difficult to consume without liquidation.
Terracotta Army In march of 1922 the foreman of the 3rd largest factory of terracotta goods and sundries in China...
Muffins were once never eaten. Only Wittypedia can tell you why. How the world changes...
Computers Babbage is widely credited with the invention of the computer although his was purely mechanical and no good for googling pictures of Britney Spears.
Internet The internet is made of 98.3482% pink pixels commonly arranged in pleasing curves...
My Space You can meet friends based on.. 1) How they look...
Money The root of all evil - but also, the only way to pay for pizza.
Wood Some time later a Ninja swordsman came across the site where the lady had been...
Graffiti Sadly as ever the vandals have moved in, painting grey concrete and brick patterns in an around the original natural form of the graffiti.
Tattoo Baby identification system.
Pockets In time past, but back then right NOW, a dog named Dave...
Winja The complaining assassins of legend, able to kill and slip away unnoticed but always found later in the pub muttering...
Sneezing The art of forcing ones brains through either one or both nostrils whilst squinting like a mole.
Bollards are pack creatures and their tactic of advancing upon an enemy whilst shouting in their deep rumbling voices 'hold the line'...
Car Driven nearly to the point of extinction there now remain very few pure breeds, almost no original herds remain.
The mind Think of a number between 1 and 10 - chances are you just used your mind.
Thought or thinking is a mental process, like totally mental man, wiiikid. It allows us to react to the world generally completely inappropriately and stress about stuff and get things wrong
Death & Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans... which is why I never make a shopping list - and probably why we never have any food in the fridge.
Telephone Absurd digital pomeranians that yap and yap at you until you want to kick them into oblivion or smash the brains from your own skull.
Music is believed to have been discovered when someone was clearing their throat too vigorously.
TV Imagine a small square man who sits in the corner of the room entertaining you. That is not a TV...
The Beatles were know to begin the day by snorting gravel, donning oversized parker coats and sneering their way through Wonderwall
Silicon valley is the name given to the cleavage found between surgically enhanced mammary glands. (Pamela Anderson).
Birthday, Jars, Shoes, MP3, The Beatles, Crime, Money, Modern art, Crosswords, Exclamation mark, Poems, Colour, Tea, Music, Boobs, Google, Eminem, French riviera, Mimes, Glass, Colon, Food, Bacon, Tomato ketchup, Vegetarians, the Mullet Haircut......
Space & The Nations
Galaxy. If you jumped from a spaceship traveling at 48mph onto a planet orbiting at 48.4mph, you would still die because you wouldn't be able to breathe.
The moon, Sun, Earth The Earth's surface is made up of 99% land, however, a lot of this is covered with water so always test your footing before you walk.
Australia is full of Australians and sand. In fact on a purely person to sand ratio they have an extremely unrepresentative government, consisting almost entirely of humans...
England Full of complaining, embittered, weather-beaten folk with a heroin-like addiction to tea and, in some cases, heroin.
USA has also given the world Paris Hilton and amazing new benchmarks for the term "morbid obesity".
Britain, Usa, England, Scotland, Wales, Hull, Thailand.
Elements
Water - lubricates fish (and hitler)
Fire - normaly hot shaped
Ice - home of meerkats
Wind - parp
Earth - host to billiards, lawn tennis and Uzi9mm
And another thing
Cannibalism, Color, Current events, Fence, Garage, Jessica Simpson, Main Page, Manna from heaven, Manual, Mona Lisa, Password, Placard, Pomegranate, Portaloo, Richard the lionheart, Sheep dip, Skrompson, Smoking, Socks, Spice hammer, Tetra Pak, The big bang, To Coj, Umbrellas, Waffle hats, Wikimedia and Wikipedia, X, Z
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